I am losing my mind. Not kidding. It's the week of my brother's wedding...it's a destination wedding at an exotic locale and there's SO much going on. This is not your typical destination 15 minutes on the beach deal. We're having a full-on 5-day BIG Indian wedding. It's a little nuts.
I've got tons to do, a huge family performance choreographed that others still need to learn the steps to, and not much time to do it. I'm not kidding here, the last two days have been really tough on me. I've been feeling sorry for myself thinking, "No one else is helping." "Everything is on me." "I need to get this right."
In the process, I've lost my smile. And I woke up at 5:30 this morning feeling really sad about it.
You know what though....I've completely lost the plot. I'm NOT supposed to be stressing out. I'm supposed to be enjoying this time with my family (who have come in from all over the world) and just doing what I can, how I can, with no expectations.
What I know is that my brother is going to appreciate everything and that if things are not perfect, it will be the effort that matters.
I can admit, as I sit here my anxiety is still up, my heart is still in my throat, but I am feeling a change in perspective coming.
What I know is:
- I lost my serenity over the past couple of days
- I forgot how to center myself and I let my emotions take over
- I allowed myself to get sucked under by the fear of not being perfect.
- I do not have to feel this way.
- I have tools and tactics to regain balance and joy, and I can do them right now.
- I do not have to have expectations of anyone else.
- I am okay, I am free, I am just what I am supposed to be.
I am sure this will happen to all of us at one time or another. Here's how to find peace:
- STOP the negative trains of thought. Literally just yell "NO" in your mind when you hear yourself having negative thought patterns.
- Refocus on the HERE and NOW. Start paying attention to what is happening around you. Listen for the sounds, hear your heart beating.
- Pray. Someone is always listening.
- Accept that you can only do what you can do.
- Do what you can to the best of your ability, but strike a balance by not doing so much that you are anxious and afraid.
- Focus on the love and laughter in your life. Nothing else is important.
I love my brother. He's the first love of my life. This is going to be an amazing wedding and I am not going to let little things dampen my happiness for this most important time of his life.
My nino, getting married. To an amazing woman. It's a beautiful thing.