It's been three weeks. Here's the chart:
I'm away from home this week and I forgot my stars, so it was black ink for me. Admittedly, it was a strange week, I've been busy every day in ways I wouldn't be at home, and the schedule of my life has been suspended, but I'm starting to realize something: This resolution chart doesn't seem to be helping me. I don't seem to be motivated by this as I was the first week. I was hoping it would be something that would totally transform my life because at the end of the Happiness Project, Rubin says that the Resolution Chart was the thing that made her the happiest (the act of focusing on the things that would make her happy). It's not doing the same for me.
As I think about why it would be that doing the resolution chart just isn't working for me I came up with a couple reasons:
- the resolution chart has become a chore.
- in some way, the resolution chart keeps me from being present. When I'm thinking about what's on my resolution chart, I'm stuck on what I haven't done or what I have to do, and I find that I am not staying right here, right now. It's been odd and unbalancing.
There's another weird thing, though. I really LIKE the idea of a chart of some kind. To have some kind of way to organize what I want to focus on, how I want to live. I feel there has to be some way to make this work, but I wonder if it's in the act of trying TOO hard that makes it not feel like life and makes it feel more like work.
I spent a few hours with my cousi- sister (this must be an Indian thing, most people look at me crazy when I say 'cousin-sister' or 'cousin-brother', she's a girl cousin, but I think of her like a sister) and we were talking about another subject altogether, but she brought up the idea of common sense. It was a profound reminder because I believe strongly that we should follow our intuitions and not try to overthink our lives.
I'm going to stick with the chart another week, but I may make some more changes.
I'll continue to work on this...
Catch up on the conversation:
Post 1: Getting to Where You Want To Be