Life can feel easy when nothing is changing. You can be in a routine that makes sense, gives you time for the things that matter, and allow you to take the opportunities that might show up
But transitional times—times of upheaval—that involve moves, the end of college or graduate school, changes in relationships, job changes; these can be uncomfortable and unsettling.
Now that I have started to settle in to my home in New Jersey after years in Indianapolis, I am starting to understand what it means to transition. It’s not just about changing homes. It’s about changing my whole like. Everything from the way I start my day—it used to mean a morning spin class at LA Fitness in Glendale—to how I plan my weekends has changed.
Everything is new and unfamiliar. My social circle is completely different. In Indianapolis it was a group of wonderful friends and peers in my graduate school classes. Here in New Jersey it’s mainly family.
I had a strong network of people in Indianapolis who knew me and knew what I was capable of and how I could make an impact. Here, I have to prove myself. I have to go out and show people who have no prior knowledge of me that I am a good bet. It’s scary.
For any one who has read this blog, you might have picked up that my self-esteem can sometimes waver. I doubt my abilities and myself. I struggle with thinking that I am good enough. All of these come up in huge waves right now as I am trying to establish myself in a career. I constantly worry about whether I really am worth it.
I have never been confused about whether I can learn and figure things out, but sometimes I wonder if I am worth the shot.
This blog is about mindfulness and being here now. Lately, I have been struggling with ‘being HERE now.’ I struggle with concentrating on the moment at hand and not on what might happen, what did happen, and what I might have done wrong. I tend to be a fast-actor. I make decision and act because I don’t like to be hamstrung by indecision. But as I sit here, indecision about my actions is swamping me.
This is all I can do right now. All I can tell myself is that if I am honest, if I act with integrity, if I am true to myself—it is enough. I am enough. I am enough. I am enough.
Know this—the same is true for you. You are enough. You are enough. You are enough.